For the past week, I've been doing a lot of thinking about monogamous relationships. Those of you who know me know that I am Miss Optimistic. I will be the first person to tell you I believe in all of those "antiquated" notions about love; the soulmate, THE ONE, etc.
Except lately, all you seem to hear about is cheating. Whether it's emotional (letting down your guard with a co-worker or close friend) or physical (the drunken bachelor party/one night stand), the outcome is always the same. Someone is left with a broken heart, wondering where they went wrong and how to pick up the pieces.
In what I consider to be my first adult relationship, he cheated on me. There were several different factors at play: it was long-distance, we were growing apart, I was getting restless, etc. Still, that didn't change how devastated I felt when I walked into his apartment and saw signs of the other woman.
For those of you who are wondering, I didn't go Angela Bassett. I just got my stuff, walked back downstairs, got in my car and left.
Okay, I did peel out of the parking lot, but a girl has to give a little drama.
Has it changed me? Somewhat. I went through the grieving process--plenty of Toni Braxton, Fantasia and chocolate cheesecake. I DID NOT date while I was healing, because I feel that is a huge problem in the world right now: subjecting the next person to the last person's baggage.
I revised my rules, a little scrap of paper I keep in the front of my journal, chronicling the lessons I've learned about dating in the past ten years.
Lots of scribbles and bold print.
When I reentered the dating world, I will admit that I was still very cautious--kind of like the first time a kid is allowed to swim in the "big pool." Even though I logged many hours of introspection and prayer, I couldn't help but ask myself:
Am I good enough?
Is he going to cheat on me too?
Is all of this just an exercise in futility?
And then I smacked myself for being melodramatic.
In the seventh grade, I got food poisoning. I'm talking crying out to God, choosing which end goes on the toilet kind of food poisoning. It lasted for about three days. On the fourth day, I managed to keep down a bowl of chicken broth. By the end of the week, I was back to eating solids. Within two weeks, you never would have known I even had food poisoning.
My point (and I do have one): how silly would it be for me to stop eating just because I got sick one time?
That's the way I chose to deal with the aftermath of cheating. I wasn't going to dive into a buffet, but I could stomach an appetizer. One date--one evening at a restaurant, getting to know someone. Then, another one. And even though those dates didn't turn into a relationship, I realized I was ready to move on.
So, what's my official stance on cheating? I never want to go through it again. BUT, if I must, I know how to cope. And I will keep going through ups and downs of dating, until I meet the man who completely captures my heart.
He's out there.
If y'all see him, tell him to send me a BBM.
Be Encouraged,
K.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Friday, September 30, 2011
Life & Lyrics, Part II
Ain't no city in the world like this/if you ask how I know, I gots to plead the fifth...
Miami, Will Smith
This year, my birthday present to myself was five days and four nights in the paradise known as Miami. I'm not going to lie: at first, I was scared to death. I have never been anywhere by myself, especially a place as hip and metropolitan as Miami. I even considered exchanging my ticket for a much safer destination....like North Dakota.
Something in my spirit told me I needed to take this trip, and I'm glad I did. Here's what I learned while I was 1500 miles from home:
1. Nobody cares about your imperfections.
The first day I went to the beach, I had on my typical swimming ensemble: bathing suit, long-sleeve coverup, shorts and flip-flops. When my feet touched the sand and I looked around, I realized I was severely overdressed.
No one was checking to see who had hail damage on their thighs or a less than perfect stomach; everyone was just soaking up the sunshine and splashing in the waves. How could I fully explain the way the ocean feels unless I let it touch every part of me?
So, I did it. I took off everything but my swimsuit and jumped in.
Scratch that: jumped in would imply that there was a time when I was fully submerged in the water. I waded in. Sorry, but I've seen too many movies about sharks and people who can't swim well.
2. Silence is golden.
I was in my hotel room, getting ready to hit the city. I bent over to put lotion on my toes when it happened: my beloved Crackberry jumped out of my pocket and straight into the toilet.
I got weak in the knees and had to sit down before I passed out. This phone was my lifeline! How in the world could I survive without my precious phone?
Well, I could and I did. For the next twelve hours, I was forced to live in the moment. I couldn't hide behind a text or a Facebook message when I felt nervous or insecure; I just had to deal with those emotions. I stepped out of my comfort zone and took that time to really talk to people....and enjoy life without constant vibrations.
A few weeks ago, I asked my FB friends how long they could survive without a cell phone. Now, I know I can make it at least half a day. After that, I'm scouring the city for the nearest T-Mobile store.
3. When you're nice, people will be nice to you.
When I arrived at my hotel, there were three travelers in front of me. Every one of them went out of their way to be rude to the front desk clerk; demanding special privileges, interrupting her conversations, raising their voices for the most minor inconveniences. I was tired and ready to take a shower, but I just sat on my suitcase and patiently waited. After all, she was doing the best job she could do.
When it was my turn, I smiled. She apologized for the wait; I told her that I understood this was a busy time and I was in no hurry. She asked me if I had any special requests; I told her it didn't matter to me. She smiled and said I was the easiest customer she'd had all day, so she was going to hook me up. I shrugged it off....I mean, it wasn't exactly the Ritz-Carlton, so what could she really do?
She hooked me UP.
When I got to my room, my jaw dropped as I looked out of the window and realized I had the most perfect view of the ocean in the entire hotel. During my stay, she made sure I had everything I needed, from a taxi to a new toothbrush (did I mention THAT fell in the toilet too)?
Just by showing a little kindness, my whole experience went from decent to amazing. Remember that the next time you want to take out your frustrations on the next person. Choose wisely.
4. EVERYBODY has ties to Oklahoma.
On Sunday, I decided to take a tour. The guide asked everyone where they were from, and I told her Oklahoma. Her face lit up, and she spent the next ten minutes explaining how her daughter lived in Norman and she had just come back from visiting her. I also ran into a woman on the beach who told me the most hilarious story about spending Christmas at the prison in McAlester.
You know, maybe I don't give this place enough credit. A lot of people got their start right here in the Sooner State, and I can appreciate that.
Still, the first opportunity I get....I'm outta here!
5. Missed chances...
Errrrrr....I don't think I'm ready to write about that one yet. Moving on!
6. When necessary, I can run in a halter dress and sandals.
I'm no Flo-Jo, but I can get out of harm's way.
7. Traveling is my new coping mechanism.
Before I left, I spent some time talking to my dad about the grieving process. Even though I have been through it before, something about this time seems so foreign and brand-new. He told me that I need to think about how I coped with previous losses and try to implement those same strategies in my current situation.
I thought about it. The truth of the matter is, the way I coped in the past was not healthy at all. I used food, alcohol and even affection to help me escape from the harsh realities of life; in this season, I could not allow myself to go back to such destructive behaviors. This time, I needed something different.
When I booked this trip at the end of August, I had no idea how tumultuous the next few weeks would become. Only God Himself could have known just how much I needed to get away, relax and rest. My first night in Florida was the first night in a month that I slept for more than four hours. As I stared at the water for as far as my eyes could see, I literally felt the stress and frustration leaving my body. I needed that.
Really, I needed everything: the adventures, the mishaps, the food, the laughter, the solitude, the companionship and the beach. ESPECIALLY the beach.
This is how I'm going to make it--by not limiting myself to the same surroundings and the same experiences. I am determined to see as much of the world as possible. And every time I get on a plane or put Appalonia on the highway, I'll think about how much my time in Florida changed me and I will expect the great during future trips. Above all, I'll reflect on the most important lesson I learned while in Miami:
The same God who keeps me on a cul-de-sac in Del City can keep me anywhere in the world.
Be Encouraged, y'all.
K.
Miami, Will Smith
This year, my birthday present to myself was five days and four nights in the paradise known as Miami. I'm not going to lie: at first, I was scared to death. I have never been anywhere by myself, especially a place as hip and metropolitan as Miami. I even considered exchanging my ticket for a much safer destination....like North Dakota.
Something in my spirit told me I needed to take this trip, and I'm glad I did. Here's what I learned while I was 1500 miles from home:
1. Nobody cares about your imperfections.
The first day I went to the beach, I had on my typical swimming ensemble: bathing suit, long-sleeve coverup, shorts and flip-flops. When my feet touched the sand and I looked around, I realized I was severely overdressed.
No one was checking to see who had hail damage on their thighs or a less than perfect stomach; everyone was just soaking up the sunshine and splashing in the waves. How could I fully explain the way the ocean feels unless I let it touch every part of me?
So, I did it. I took off everything but my swimsuit and jumped in.
Scratch that: jumped in would imply that there was a time when I was fully submerged in the water. I waded in. Sorry, but I've seen too many movies about sharks and people who can't swim well.
2. Silence is golden.
I was in my hotel room, getting ready to hit the city. I bent over to put lotion on my toes when it happened: my beloved Crackberry jumped out of my pocket and straight into the toilet.
I got weak in the knees and had to sit down before I passed out. This phone was my lifeline! How in the world could I survive without my precious phone?
Well, I could and I did. For the next twelve hours, I was forced to live in the moment. I couldn't hide behind a text or a Facebook message when I felt nervous or insecure; I just had to deal with those emotions. I stepped out of my comfort zone and took that time to really talk to people....and enjoy life without constant vibrations.
A few weeks ago, I asked my FB friends how long they could survive without a cell phone. Now, I know I can make it at least half a day. After that, I'm scouring the city for the nearest T-Mobile store.
3. When you're nice, people will be nice to you.
When I arrived at my hotel, there were three travelers in front of me. Every one of them went out of their way to be rude to the front desk clerk; demanding special privileges, interrupting her conversations, raising their voices for the most minor inconveniences. I was tired and ready to take a shower, but I just sat on my suitcase and patiently waited. After all, she was doing the best job she could do.
When it was my turn, I smiled. She apologized for the wait; I told her that I understood this was a busy time and I was in no hurry. She asked me if I had any special requests; I told her it didn't matter to me. She smiled and said I was the easiest customer she'd had all day, so she was going to hook me up. I shrugged it off....I mean, it wasn't exactly the Ritz-Carlton, so what could she really do?
She hooked me UP.
When I got to my room, my jaw dropped as I looked out of the window and realized I had the most perfect view of the ocean in the entire hotel. During my stay, she made sure I had everything I needed, from a taxi to a new toothbrush (did I mention THAT fell in the toilet too)?
Just by showing a little kindness, my whole experience went from decent to amazing. Remember that the next time you want to take out your frustrations on the next person. Choose wisely.
4. EVERYBODY has ties to Oklahoma.
On Sunday, I decided to take a tour. The guide asked everyone where they were from, and I told her Oklahoma. Her face lit up, and she spent the next ten minutes explaining how her daughter lived in Norman and she had just come back from visiting her. I also ran into a woman on the beach who told me the most hilarious story about spending Christmas at the prison in McAlester.
You know, maybe I don't give this place enough credit. A lot of people got their start right here in the Sooner State, and I can appreciate that.
Still, the first opportunity I get....I'm outta here!
5. Missed chances...
Errrrrr....I don't think I'm ready to write about that one yet. Moving on!
6. When necessary, I can run in a halter dress and sandals.
I'm no Flo-Jo, but I can get out of harm's way.
7. Traveling is my new coping mechanism.
Before I left, I spent some time talking to my dad about the grieving process. Even though I have been through it before, something about this time seems so foreign and brand-new. He told me that I need to think about how I coped with previous losses and try to implement those same strategies in my current situation.
I thought about it. The truth of the matter is, the way I coped in the past was not healthy at all. I used food, alcohol and even affection to help me escape from the harsh realities of life; in this season, I could not allow myself to go back to such destructive behaviors. This time, I needed something different.
When I booked this trip at the end of August, I had no idea how tumultuous the next few weeks would become. Only God Himself could have known just how much I needed to get away, relax and rest. My first night in Florida was the first night in a month that I slept for more than four hours. As I stared at the water for as far as my eyes could see, I literally felt the stress and frustration leaving my body. I needed that.
Really, I needed everything: the adventures, the mishaps, the food, the laughter, the solitude, the companionship and the beach. ESPECIALLY the beach.
This is how I'm going to make it--by not limiting myself to the same surroundings and the same experiences. I am determined to see as much of the world as possible. And every time I get on a plane or put Appalonia on the highway, I'll think about how much my time in Florida changed me and I will expect the great during future trips. Above all, I'll reflect on the most important lesson I learned while in Miami:
The same God who keeps me on a cul-de-sac in Del City can keep me anywhere in the world.
Be Encouraged, y'all.
K.
Life & Lyrics, Part I
HELLO, Faithful Blog Readers! It's been over a month since my last entry and so much has happened. Instead of going with my typical format, this entry will be set to the lyrics of some of my favorite songs. Music is life--my life. Be encouraged, y'all.
Seems like only yesterday/that your laughter filled the air/and whatever I was going through/you were always there...
--I'll See You Again, Richard Smallwood
Saying goodbye to Uncle Glenn is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. To refer him as my uncle does not adequately describe our relationship. To put it simply, he was my hero.
I'll never forget the story he told at my mother's funeral. He was driving along a highway when, out of the blue, rain started pouring down. This wasn't just any storm; it was the kind of storm where your windshield wipers are powerless against the sheets of rain. He had to make a decision: pull over to the side and wait for the storm to subside or keep driving. He chose to keep driving, and less than five minutes later, the clouds broke and the sun began to shine. Now, if he had chosen to pull over, he would have remained right in the eye of the storm. But, he didn't. He kept driving.
Today, so many of us find ourselves in that same predicament. The proverbial storms of life have us wondering whether we should pull over or keep driving. For me, the decision is easy. No matter what comes my way, I am determined to keep driving.
Thank you, Uncle Shorty.
Here I am/now looking at 30/and I've got so much to say....
--I Choose, India Arie
On Tuesday, I turned 29. In the words of Flava Flav: "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" When I imagined life at 29, I pictured something completely different than my current situation. Yet, where I am right now happens to be far more perfect than anything my mind could have envisioned. Why? I'll be glad to tell you.
1. I look better now than I did in my early 20s.
Y'all know I'm telling the truth. Say I'm not fly!
2. I feel better now than I did in my early 20s.
Right now, my confidence is at an all-time high. I don't think I can do anything--I KNOW I can do anything. For the first time in my entire life, I am not bothered by other's opinions of me. I am letting go of my past and moving into a future that is surely filled with more love, laughter and promise than I can stand.
3. My failures have become my success.
Let's face it--I failed A LOT in my 20s. Not just little, private missteps....several times, I have fallen flat on my face in front of a live studio audience. However, every one of those mistakes/bad decisions/rejections made me the person I am today. There is a strength within me I never knew existed; my faith is secure and my vision is clear. I never would have known that if I had not been allowed to mess up every now and then.
God, thank you for allowing me to fall.
Thank you for picking me up every single time.
Count on me through thick and thin/a friendship that will never end...
--Count On Me, Whitney Houston and CeCe Winans
In the month of September, I was once again reminded of the value of true friendship. I just have to pause here and say thanks to some people who really had my back in the past thirty days. You all continue to prove that I can count my friends on more than one hand.
Bestie: Even though you suck at motivational speeches (LOL!!!!), I cannot thank you enough for how you've been there for me. No one in this world knows me like you do; sometimes, I think you know me better than I know myself! I love you and I am so glad I asked God to make me a best friend! *insider*
Biscuit, J-Stunna and Baby Sis: I still can't believe that what we started all those years ago in Lawton has evolved into so much more than a friendship. You are my sisters, and that will never change. I thank God for what He's doing for you and I pray that this is only the beginning.
The SWOSU Fab Four: Thank you so much for that awesome dinner and for making me laugh on a day when all I wanted to do was cry. That touched my heart more than you will ever know. Next up: Charlie Wilson! LOL!!!!
Putter: I'm glad that what we have extends far beyond the confines of the office. Thank you for always keeping my best interests at heart. Love you, girl....and I miss "Truck Talk!"
Mr. Big: You always come back into my life during the times when I need you the most. You inspire me; you encourage me; you make me laugh. You treat me the way a man should ALWAYS a treat a woman...with respect, which is absolutely mutual. I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter in our story.
And thank you to everyone who called, sent a text/BBM, prayed or kept me in your thoughts. Trust me, I'll always do the same for you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have a lot more to say, so I shall continue this in another entry. I had to break it up for those of you who have ADD.
Be Encouraged,
K.
Seems like only yesterday/that your laughter filled the air/and whatever I was going through/you were always there...
--I'll See You Again, Richard Smallwood
Saying goodbye to Uncle Glenn is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. To refer him as my uncle does not adequately describe our relationship. To put it simply, he was my hero.
I'll never forget the story he told at my mother's funeral. He was driving along a highway when, out of the blue, rain started pouring down. This wasn't just any storm; it was the kind of storm where your windshield wipers are powerless against the sheets of rain. He had to make a decision: pull over to the side and wait for the storm to subside or keep driving. He chose to keep driving, and less than five minutes later, the clouds broke and the sun began to shine. Now, if he had chosen to pull over, he would have remained right in the eye of the storm. But, he didn't. He kept driving.
Today, so many of us find ourselves in that same predicament. The proverbial storms of life have us wondering whether we should pull over or keep driving. For me, the decision is easy. No matter what comes my way, I am determined to keep driving.
Thank you, Uncle Shorty.
Here I am/now looking at 30/and I've got so much to say....
--I Choose, India Arie
On Tuesday, I turned 29. In the words of Flava Flav: "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" When I imagined life at 29, I pictured something completely different than my current situation. Yet, where I am right now happens to be far more perfect than anything my mind could have envisioned. Why? I'll be glad to tell you.
1. I look better now than I did in my early 20s.
Y'all know I'm telling the truth. Say I'm not fly!
2. I feel better now than I did in my early 20s.
Right now, my confidence is at an all-time high. I don't think I can do anything--I KNOW I can do anything. For the first time in my entire life, I am not bothered by other's opinions of me. I am letting go of my past and moving into a future that is surely filled with more love, laughter and promise than I can stand.
3. My failures have become my success.
Let's face it--I failed A LOT in my 20s. Not just little, private missteps....several times, I have fallen flat on my face in front of a live studio audience. However, every one of those mistakes/bad decisions/rejections made me the person I am today. There is a strength within me I never knew existed; my faith is secure and my vision is clear. I never would have known that if I had not been allowed to mess up every now and then.
God, thank you for allowing me to fall.
Thank you for picking me up every single time.
Count on me through thick and thin/a friendship that will never end...
--Count On Me, Whitney Houston and CeCe Winans
In the month of September, I was once again reminded of the value of true friendship. I just have to pause here and say thanks to some people who really had my back in the past thirty days. You all continue to prove that I can count my friends on more than one hand.
Bestie: Even though you suck at motivational speeches (LOL!!!!), I cannot thank you enough for how you've been there for me. No one in this world knows me like you do; sometimes, I think you know me better than I know myself! I love you and I am so glad I asked God to make me a best friend! *insider*
Biscuit, J-Stunna and Baby Sis: I still can't believe that what we started all those years ago in Lawton has evolved into so much more than a friendship. You are my sisters, and that will never change. I thank God for what He's doing for you and I pray that this is only the beginning.
The SWOSU Fab Four: Thank you so much for that awesome dinner and for making me laugh on a day when all I wanted to do was cry. That touched my heart more than you will ever know. Next up: Charlie Wilson! LOL!!!!
Putter: I'm glad that what we have extends far beyond the confines of the office. Thank you for always keeping my best interests at heart. Love you, girl....and I miss "Truck Talk!"
Mr. Big: You always come back into my life during the times when I need you the most. You inspire me; you encourage me; you make me laugh. You treat me the way a man should ALWAYS a treat a woman...with respect, which is absolutely mutual. I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter in our story.
And thank you to everyone who called, sent a text/BBM, prayed or kept me in your thoughts. Trust me, I'll always do the same for you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have a lot more to say, so I shall continue this in another entry. I had to break it up for those of you who have ADD.
Be Encouraged,
K.
Friday, August 19, 2011
The Clearance Bin
Yesterday, I went shopping. My intent was just to purchase a pair of black pants and leave. But as soon as I walked in the store, my eyes were drawn to one of the most amazing sights since D'Angelo's "Untitled" video:
80% OFF!
I was a goner.
I rifled through the racks, looking for some things I needed to update my fall wardrobe. I was just about to leave when I hit the motherload--a pair of high-waisted, dark denim trouser jeans for SEVEN BUCKS. I didn't even take the time to try them on; I just did my "cheapskate" dance, paid for them and walked out of the store with a huge smile on my face.
When I got home, I tried them on and discovered exactly why they were so cheap--these allegedly long jeans are exactly three inches too short. I looked like Steve Urkel as a woman....whom I suppose would be Myrtle Urkel, but I digress. I sighed and made a mental note to take them back in the morning.
You realize I'm going somewhere with this, right?
The single life has always been fun for me. Even the bad dates--and I have had some BAD dates--have been awesome, in retrospect. Who can forget the man who took me to a shooting range for our first date....and had a trunk full of military-issued rifles? How about the Interviewer--the man who, on the first date, inquired about my income, the square footage of my house, my credit score and my investment portfolio?
At least they make good anecdotes for blogs about dating.
There's something about the end of your 20s that causes you to reflect. As I look back, I still find these tales quite amusing. However, I also see the pattern: the man who seems like a great catch; feels and looks like the real thing....but no matter how you pull, squeeze or even accessorize, he just doesn't fit.
Am I shopping in the Clearance Bin of Men?
Please don't get me wrong--this is not a man-bashing, Waiting to Exhale kind of post. I do not believe all men are evil; I don't even believe the men in my past were all that bad. The problem? I just don't know what I want.
Studies have shown that if you do not have a shopping list in your mind before you enter the store, you will spend almost double what you intended to. In dating, I feel as though I have spent more--more time, more energy, more pain and heartbreak than I ever really had to experience.
Ouch.
So, dear hearts, that is where I am in my life. Time to make a shopping list; time to see what's in and what's out.
No Clearance Bin either. This time, I'm willing to pay full price.
Be Encouraged,
K.
80% OFF!
I was a goner.
I rifled through the racks, looking for some things I needed to update my fall wardrobe. I was just about to leave when I hit the motherload--a pair of high-waisted, dark denim trouser jeans for SEVEN BUCKS. I didn't even take the time to try them on; I just did my "cheapskate" dance, paid for them and walked out of the store with a huge smile on my face.
When I got home, I tried them on and discovered exactly why they were so cheap--these allegedly long jeans are exactly three inches too short. I looked like Steve Urkel as a woman....whom I suppose would be Myrtle Urkel, but I digress. I sighed and made a mental note to take them back in the morning.
You realize I'm going somewhere with this, right?
The single life has always been fun for me. Even the bad dates--and I have had some BAD dates--have been awesome, in retrospect. Who can forget the man who took me to a shooting range for our first date....and had a trunk full of military-issued rifles? How about the Interviewer--the man who, on the first date, inquired about my income, the square footage of my house, my credit score and my investment portfolio?
At least they make good anecdotes for blogs about dating.
There's something about the end of your 20s that causes you to reflect. As I look back, I still find these tales quite amusing. However, I also see the pattern: the man who seems like a great catch; feels and looks like the real thing....but no matter how you pull, squeeze or even accessorize, he just doesn't fit.
Am I shopping in the Clearance Bin of Men?
Please don't get me wrong--this is not a man-bashing, Waiting to Exhale kind of post. I do not believe all men are evil; I don't even believe the men in my past were all that bad. The problem? I just don't know what I want.
Studies have shown that if you do not have a shopping list in your mind before you enter the store, you will spend almost double what you intended to. In dating, I feel as though I have spent more--more time, more energy, more pain and heartbreak than I ever really had to experience.
Ouch.
So, dear hearts, that is where I am in my life. Time to make a shopping list; time to see what's in and what's out.
No Clearance Bin either. This time, I'm willing to pay full price.
Be Encouraged,
K.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Where Do Broken Hearts Go? Musings of a Road Trip
For the last few months, I have been in (what feels like) the fight of my life. My strength, sanity and even my faith has been tested. I found myself literally at a breaking point, so I did what I always do when life happens...
I hit the highway.
As the mile marker numbers decreased, so did my stress level. Literally, the past was in my rearview mirror and I found myself looking forward with anticipation and laughter.
Of course, I never do road trips by myself. My partners in crime, Shayla and Jeanette, held it down with me as we passed through most of northeast Texas. Along the way, we learned some things.
1. "No one knows me like you do."
Lately, I've been suffering in silence, too embarrassed to share my struggles with anyone, even my sisters. Nevertheless, there's something about the open road that just made me feel free to lay down my burdens.
Surprise--there was no judgement or discouragement; only empathy, support and love. Sometimes, you have to encourage yourself. But sometimes, God sends people to encourage you when you need it the most.
2. The little things.
Have y'all ever been to Ruby Tuesdays? It is my secret love. Any time I am within a 50-mile radius, I am drawn there like a moth to a flame. They make the most fantastic turkey burgers I have EVER tasted, including the ones I make at home. I don't even need to see the menu at this point--just give me the turkey burger and add the salad bar.
I'm telling y'all, that meat will lift up a bowed down head!
(Honorable mention: Lofthouse sugar cookies, snack bags by Jeanette, and the lobster buffet at Boomtown. Needless to say, I'll be eating celery all this week.)
3. Laughter heals.
I wish I could share with you, my dear FBRs, all of the jokes we shared this weekend. Some of them would make you laugh until you cried; some of them would be hard to understand (if you don't know us); some of them would make you think we are complete idiots.
We are, but I digress.
In life, everything just cannot be serious. Even when you are in the midst of a storm, take some time to laugh--not chuckle, grin or give a half-smile, but REALLY laugh. Laughter truly puts things in perspective....
Nothing is as bad as it seems when you LOL.
4. Southern Hospitality
Maybe I'm biased, but I love Texas people. They don't know how to be anything but friendly, sweet and kind.
(This excludes all my exes who live in Texas, thank you very much.)
Once again, God nudged me and I was convicted all over again. Instead of worrying about this or that, I just need to keep showing kindness to those around me. Not just any kindness, but sacrificial kindness. There is a difference.
Sacrificial kindness costs you something--time, money, etc. Nevertheless, it is truly a sound investment. Whatever you spend will be returned to you. Luke 6:38 says it like this:
Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
In a time where the stock market can drop 500 points in a single day, I would much rather invest in the kingdom of God.
5. There's no place like home.
My girl Dorothy was right. Even though I love getting away from Oklahoma City whenever I can, my heart rejoices whenever I see the sign that says "Oklahoma City Limits." If I'm not in the driver's seat, I'm already collecting trash and getting my stuff together so I can be in my house as soon as possible.
And here I am. Home.
Now more than ever, I am grateful for this--not the material things or even the house itself, but that feeling of peace in my heart. To me, that's home.
So, maybe you are going through something right now. This situation--this storm, trial or whatever you choose to call it--has a hold of you and it seems like it is never going to end. The way I see it, you have two choices:
-A road trip. Even if you don't have the time or the finances to cross state lines, do it in your mind. Put the past in the rearview mirror and floor it.
-Go home. Find your peace....'nuff said.
Be Encouraged, y'all.
-K.
I hit the highway.
As the mile marker numbers decreased, so did my stress level. Literally, the past was in my rearview mirror and I found myself looking forward with anticipation and laughter.
Of course, I never do road trips by myself. My partners in crime, Shayla and Jeanette, held it down with me as we passed through most of northeast Texas. Along the way, we learned some things.
1. "No one knows me like you do."
Lately, I've been suffering in silence, too embarrassed to share my struggles with anyone, even my sisters. Nevertheless, there's something about the open road that just made me feel free to lay down my burdens.
Surprise--there was no judgement or discouragement; only empathy, support and love. Sometimes, you have to encourage yourself. But sometimes, God sends people to encourage you when you need it the most.
2. The little things.
Have y'all ever been to Ruby Tuesdays? It is my secret love. Any time I am within a 50-mile radius, I am drawn there like a moth to a flame. They make the most fantastic turkey burgers I have EVER tasted, including the ones I make at home. I don't even need to see the menu at this point--just give me the turkey burger and add the salad bar.
I'm telling y'all, that meat will lift up a bowed down head!
(Honorable mention: Lofthouse sugar cookies, snack bags by Jeanette, and the lobster buffet at Boomtown. Needless to say, I'll be eating celery all this week.)
3. Laughter heals.
I wish I could share with you, my dear FBRs, all of the jokes we shared this weekend. Some of them would make you laugh until you cried; some of them would be hard to understand (if you don't know us); some of them would make you think we are complete idiots.
We are, but I digress.
In life, everything just cannot be serious. Even when you are in the midst of a storm, take some time to laugh--not chuckle, grin or give a half-smile, but REALLY laugh. Laughter truly puts things in perspective....
Nothing is as bad as it seems when you LOL.
4. Southern Hospitality
Maybe I'm biased, but I love Texas people. They don't know how to be anything but friendly, sweet and kind.
(This excludes all my exes who live in Texas, thank you very much.)
Once again, God nudged me and I was convicted all over again. Instead of worrying about this or that, I just need to keep showing kindness to those around me. Not just any kindness, but sacrificial kindness. There is a difference.
Sacrificial kindness costs you something--time, money, etc. Nevertheless, it is truly a sound investment. Whatever you spend will be returned to you. Luke 6:38 says it like this:
Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
In a time where the stock market can drop 500 points in a single day, I would much rather invest in the kingdom of God.
5. There's no place like home.
My girl Dorothy was right. Even though I love getting away from Oklahoma City whenever I can, my heart rejoices whenever I see the sign that says "Oklahoma City Limits." If I'm not in the driver's seat, I'm already collecting trash and getting my stuff together so I can be in my house as soon as possible.
And here I am. Home.
Now more than ever, I am grateful for this--not the material things or even the house itself, but that feeling of peace in my heart. To me, that's home.
So, maybe you are going through something right now. This situation--this storm, trial or whatever you choose to call it--has a hold of you and it seems like it is never going to end. The way I see it, you have two choices:
-A road trip. Even if you don't have the time or the finances to cross state lines, do it in your mind. Put the past in the rearview mirror and floor it.
-Go home. Find your peace....'nuff said.
Be Encouraged, y'all.
-K.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Lessons Learned
This week, I had a great many epiphanies on a subject which is constantly on the hearts and minds of every twenty-something: my career. Ever the writer, I felt the need to share.
If you agree with what I'm saying, nod your head.
If you don't.....get your own dang blog! LOL!
1.Everyone does not like you.
To be honest, that has been so hard for me to accept! I, K. Marie, am a people-pleaser. I want everyone in the world to like me, or at least be able to tolerate me. In the pursuit of "like-ability," I forgot one very important thing....
I don't like everybody.
Some people just get under my skin. Maybe it's the way they drink their coffee or speak; maybe it is their overall attitude or their demeanor. Maybe it's because they like the Lakers--and y'all know how I feel about Kobe.
And you know what? That's okay.
Even though I happen to think I am pretty awesome,I have to admit that I would hate to live in a world full of me. Life is about celebrating differences; our very valid right to not want everybody in our inner circle.
So, raise your glass to the people who roll their eyes at you. As Bobby Brown so eloquently put it, it IS their prerogative.
2. "Stepping out on faith" requires action.
If you follow me on Twitter....or we're friends on Facebook....or we are BBM contacts (sidenote: there are way too many ways to contact me), then you know I've been talking about "stepping out on faith" for over a month now. Over and over again, I have asked my prayer warriors to lift me up as I step out on faith. Every morning and night, I asked God to stand with me as I stepped out on faith.
The problem? I never went anywhere. Fear cemented my feet to the ground.
When I was in preschool, my daycare teacher decided that my class needed to learn how to swim. We put on our bathing suits and went outside to the BIG pool. One by one, she swooped up each one of us and tossed us in the pool, where another teacher was waiting to catch us.
I better add that part--I don't want anyone calling DHS on them.
I was standing at the back of the line. I watched everyone splashing around in the pool, having the time of their lives. But as my teacher reached for me, I screamed "NO, NO, NO" and started crying. I mean, full Kayla tantrum mode. I just knew I was going to drown.
She didn't try to reason with me; she didn't try to console me. She just pushed me in the pool.
I sputtered and coughed, but I didn't drown.
This week, I had an adult Kayla tantrum. Only this time, it was with God. Mentally, I kicked, screamed and cried. God listened for awhile, and then He pushed me.
I'm glad He did.
I do not think I can add anything more to that, so I will end here. Be encouraged, y'all....whatever your situation may be, God is still in control.
Learning To Swim,
K.
If you agree with what I'm saying, nod your head.
If you don't.....get your own dang blog! LOL!
1.Everyone does not like you.
To be honest, that has been so hard for me to accept! I, K. Marie, am a people-pleaser. I want everyone in the world to like me, or at least be able to tolerate me. In the pursuit of "like-ability," I forgot one very important thing....
I don't like everybody.
Some people just get under my skin. Maybe it's the way they drink their coffee or speak; maybe it is their overall attitude or their demeanor. Maybe it's because they like the Lakers--and y'all know how I feel about Kobe.
And you know what? That's okay.
Even though I happen to think I am pretty awesome,I have to admit that I would hate to live in a world full of me. Life is about celebrating differences; our very valid right to not want everybody in our inner circle.
So, raise your glass to the people who roll their eyes at you. As Bobby Brown so eloquently put it, it IS their prerogative.
2. "Stepping out on faith" requires action.
If you follow me on Twitter....or we're friends on Facebook....or we are BBM contacts (sidenote: there are way too many ways to contact me), then you know I've been talking about "stepping out on faith" for over a month now. Over and over again, I have asked my prayer warriors to lift me up as I step out on faith. Every morning and night, I asked God to stand with me as I stepped out on faith.
The problem? I never went anywhere. Fear cemented my feet to the ground.
When I was in preschool, my daycare teacher decided that my class needed to learn how to swim. We put on our bathing suits and went outside to the BIG pool. One by one, she swooped up each one of us and tossed us in the pool, where another teacher was waiting to catch us.
I better add that part--I don't want anyone calling DHS on them.
I was standing at the back of the line. I watched everyone splashing around in the pool, having the time of their lives. But as my teacher reached for me, I screamed "NO, NO, NO" and started crying. I mean, full Kayla tantrum mode. I just knew I was going to drown.
She didn't try to reason with me; she didn't try to console me. She just pushed me in the pool.
I sputtered and coughed, but I didn't drown.
This week, I had an adult Kayla tantrum. Only this time, it was with God. Mentally, I kicked, screamed and cried. God listened for awhile, and then He pushed me.
I'm glad He did.
I do not think I can add anything more to that, so I will end here. Be encouraged, y'all....whatever your situation may be, God is still in control.
Learning To Swim,
K.
Monday, July 18, 2011
@ The Brook Besor (I Samuel 30)
Do you know the story of the Brook Besor? Of all my favorite David-themed stories in the Bible, this is my favorite. . In Max Lucado's Book, Facing Your Giants, he describes the 21st century version of the soldiers at the Brook Besor:
The church has its quorum of such folks. Good people. Godly people. Only hours or years ago they marched with deep resolve. But now fatigue consumes them. They’re exhausted. So beat-up and worn down that they can’t summon the strength to save their own flesh and blood. Old age has sucked their oxygen. Or maybe it was a deflating string of defeats. Divorce can leave you at the brook. Addiction can as well. Whatever the reason, the church has its share of people who just sit and rest.
Dear friends, I find myself at the Brook Besor right now. I am wounded. I am hurt. My strength is waning and my confidence is lacking. In the past month, my character, integrity and even the way I look and dress has been attacked--all by people who love God and are just "speaking the truth."
Well, I too must speak the truth: I'm human. This hurts.
So, what do I do now? Rest.
Don't take this as a "goodbye, cruel world" kind of post. I mean, I'm Kayla Marie....I'm not going out like that. However, I realize that now is the time to be really honest with God about who I am and where I am going in this phase of my life.
To put it bluntly, I cannot be effective in any capacity until I allow God to heal the broken places in my heart. And I know He will, because that's just the kind of God I serve.
Anyway, pray for me. And for those of you who also find yourselves at the Brook Besor, I'm praying for you as well. Resting is not admitting defeat; rather, it is acknowledgement of God's sovereignty. It is surrender to His will.
It's like getting a good night's sleep before a marathon. I just want to be prepared.
Be Encouraged,
Kayla
The church has its quorum of such folks. Good people. Godly people. Only hours or years ago they marched with deep resolve. But now fatigue consumes them. They’re exhausted. So beat-up and worn down that they can’t summon the strength to save their own flesh and blood. Old age has sucked their oxygen. Or maybe it was a deflating string of defeats. Divorce can leave you at the brook. Addiction can as well. Whatever the reason, the church has its share of people who just sit and rest.
Dear friends, I find myself at the Brook Besor right now. I am wounded. I am hurt. My strength is waning and my confidence is lacking. In the past month, my character, integrity and even the way I look and dress has been attacked--all by people who love God and are just "speaking the truth."
Well, I too must speak the truth: I'm human. This hurts.
So, what do I do now? Rest.
Don't take this as a "goodbye, cruel world" kind of post. I mean, I'm Kayla Marie....I'm not going out like that. However, I realize that now is the time to be really honest with God about who I am and where I am going in this phase of my life.
To put it bluntly, I cannot be effective in any capacity until I allow God to heal the broken places in my heart. And I know He will, because that's just the kind of God I serve.
Anyway, pray for me. And for those of you who also find yourselves at the Brook Besor, I'm praying for you as well. Resting is not admitting defeat; rather, it is acknowledgement of God's sovereignty. It is surrender to His will.
It's like getting a good night's sleep before a marathon. I just want to be prepared.
Be Encouraged,
Kayla
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