I had to think long and hard about this one. In my rose-colored world, I have not done anything that would warrant a grudge. I pride myself on being the person everyone likes: easygoing, mild mannered, generally agreeable.
Yet, I know I have not been the friend you have needed in the past ten years. I can make all kinds of excuses--I moved, you moved--but the truth of the matter is, I did not know how to handle you.
I feel like I am talking in riddles, so let me make it plain: you make me uncomfortable.
I also harbored a lot of anger in my heart for the way you treated your mother. I wanted to shake some sense into you; make you realize that one day, you'll find yourself begging for the guidance only a mother can give.
Above all else, I hope you have made your peace with her. She really is an awesome woman.
I don't know if I can ever be the kind of friend you need. I love hard and I wear my heart on my sleeve. No amount of time will change that. I am not willing to sacrifice my calm for someone who thrives in chaos.
You'll never be me and that's not what I am asking. I want you to be YOU, not some chemically-altered fabrication.
When that girl comes back, tell her to call me. I miss her.
Sorry.
--K.
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