Saturday, March 6, 2010

IJBH: Unrated

Just being honest....

.....I was in love; now, I'm not. It was like two jagged pieces of a puzzle.

.....My workout yesterday was so good it was almost orgasmic. There's something incredibly sexual about pushing past your limits; breathing hard and sweating and feeling like your heart is going to stop at any moment; then collapsing on the ground and basking in that after-workout glow.

.....Hmmm. That did sound a lot like sex.

.....I am really feeling my hair right now. I don't know....the way the twists are just falling into place makes me

Maybe it's just that time of the year. The flowers are blooming and the temperature is rising, among other things....

.....That was my last sex-related comment.

.....I am making a commitment to stop putting down my body. It's like Womanhood 101: you learn somewhere along the way to complain about cellulite/stretch marks/etc. If you ever experience a moment of awkward silence among women, start complaining about your body. The conversation will explode.

I say it's time to change all of that.

I love my body.

Everything serves a purpose.

Everything works.

Everything is a gift....the gift that keeps on giving.

.....We give people too much power in our lives. I see so many people posting FB statuses like:

Do you think I should go natural?
What should I do tonight?
What should I have for dinner?

Speaking as the most indecisive person in the world......who cares?!?!?!?! That "great advice" you're getting is based on the other person's frame of reference, which is probably completely different from yours.

People mean well, they really do. But you what opinions are like.....

......I'm serious about skydiving.

......I've been looking into buying a new car. I know car salesmen are just trying to keep their jobs; still, they lay it on pretty thick. I went to a car lot the other day--in fifteen minutes, the salesman complimented my hair, my perfume and my earrings; he offered me a piece of pie and told me his whole life story.


It takes all of that to get an SUV?

......Most people who really know me probably know it's uncomfortable for me to write like this. After all, I'm Kayla Woodberry...and as one of our church musicians pointed out this afternoon, people are looking at me.

But this is a part of me, just like it is for every single person I know.

I get angry.

I get frustrated.

Occasionally, I get sexually frustrated. (Ha!)

I'm a work in love me through the progressions or don't.

.....I still feel like things are going to get better. They don't have to, but they will. I feel it.

Later Days,


Thursday, March 4, 2010

Who am I.....Here Am I.

Something is missing.

Make no mistake about it--I love my life. Slowly but surely, Kayla is becoming.....well, Kayla. Unashamedly and unabashedly apologetic for all of my quirks, faults, flaws and the rest.

And yet, I still feel something is missing.

I'm not one of those people who likes to complain about relationships. I just believe everything will fall into place at the right time.

Like many twenty-somethings, I struggle with envy: I want it all and I want it now (Note: I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting this is a struggle for a *gasp* Christian. God is still working on me).

Some mornings, I exercise just for the escape. I'm just focused on finishing the workout--not bills or perceived failures; not my heart and the insane way it reaches for people who will not care for it as their own.

Sweat helps. A lot.

I guess I'm just a work in progress.

Looking back, I see the growth. Things that would have hurt me, cut me to the core, do not even make me flinch right now. I'm grateful.

I see how my relationship with Christ has aided in changing who I am. The more I stop trying to take the lead, the easier (and more beautiful) the dance of life becomes.

I am resisting the urge to "prove" myself to others.

I Googled myself. I even thought about beefing up my entries.

I'm thinking.

I'm working.

I know I am capable of more and yet.....

I'm content with this season of my life.

The scales are unbalanced.

Somehow, it makes perfect sense to me.

My song half-written--or maybe it's just not ready to be published.



Still encouraged though.