Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The Single Manifesto

I really don't like blogging about being single. In my humble opinion, it's discussed way too much...and with the current state of the world, there are more important topics which deserve my musings. However, I have experienced some things in recent weeks that I just need to get off of my chest.

If you can relate, snap your fingers one time.

It's a high(heeled) way to Heaven

When people ask me how tall I am, always respond "six feet even--without the heels." I have to add the qualifier because when I'm not wearing tennis shoes, I'm wearing heels. To me, they are just more comfortable. When I wear flats, something in my body mechanics causes me to turn into Steve Urkel, tripping all over myself. In heels, I'm Stephan Urkelle--suave, confident and self-assured.

If you ask any woman, she'll tell you the same thing: the right shoes just add an extra sway to your hips. They make your legs appear infinitely longer. They fix your posture. They just make you feel downright sexy.

I said that to say that it is a complete turn-off to date someone who thinks I'm going to stop wearing heels. Of course I'm "tall enough," but that's not why women wear these death-defying contraptions. Heels just make you feel good.

So, if you want to be with me, you have two options: grab the step-ladder and accept that my heels are a part of me...or keep searching for that woman who thinks flip-flops are appropriate dinner attire.

Perish the thought.

So Yesterday

Recently, I got a call from my ex. He informed me that he still loved me and that he was ready for us to start dating again.

Due to the fact that youngsters might be reading this, I'll refrain from using the words I really want to use.

For the life of me, I do not understand men with this Romeo and Juliet fantasy. Trust me, I was not waiting in the window for him (or anyone else) to come whisper sweet-nothings in the midnight hour. In the YEARS since we have parted ways, I've lived. I have laughed and loved; made new memories and truly discovered how exciting life is when I step outside of my comfort zone. I forgave him and yes, I still pray for him. However, I don't pray for him to come back to me--I pray the he will find peace and love in his own life.

I know what becomes of the brokenhearted. They heal. And move on.

Brother-friends (and sister-friends, because I suspect some of y'all are doing this too), deflate your ego balloon just a bit. If you are really meant to be with her or him, God will navigate your paths back together. Otherwise, leave it alone. You're just ripping scabs off of a healed heart...and that ain't love.

It's just TWO things

I realize I'm not going to win any fans by saying this, but I'm going to say it anyway. If you can only talk about sports and sex, we won't be dating. Period.

Look, I love sports. I'm a basketball fiend, and even though my bracket was toast in the first round, you better believe I'll be watching to see how the Final Four ends.

As for the other subject...well, that's for me to know.

The point is, there are a million other things to discuss. Can we talk about politics? Can we discuss the current state of music? Can we talk about why the Trayvon Martin case is stirring up feelings long since buried?

If dating is supposed to lead to a relationship (AND IT IS), I want to know that I can unwind with you; that you have an opinion on something other than Sportscenter.

Even my three year old nephew asks me about my day.

Ready for love

Am I? Sure.

But being ready for love and desperate for affection are two entirely different matters. I'm not afraid to be single. In fact, I enjoy the time I spend with ME--writing, painting toenails, dreaming and just being fabulous. I don't need a speech telling me what I need to do to get or keep a man...'cause I still believe it will happen when it's supposed to happen.

For your sanity, I hope you feel the same way.

Still Encouraged,


Tuesday, March 20, 2012

I Know Him (For Trayvon)

Like most of the country, I didn't know Trayvon Martin. Yet, my heart knows him.

Trayvon is the many young men I've worked with, both at school and at church. Little boys who dared me to take off my shoes and race them in the summertime; little boys who quickly understood that yes, Ms. Kayla or no, Ms. Kayla were the only acceptable responses to my queries. Little boys who are now becoming young men, gangly limbs and squeaky voices a sign of their impending adulthood. They still hug me, still send me Facebook messages and ask me to pray with them. Whether they ask or not, I always do.

Trayvon is any one of my guy friends--upstanding, compassionate, educated men who still have to explain that wearing basketball shorts, hoodies or locs does not make you a criminal.

Trayvon is my son--the one I ask God even now to give me the strength to raise. A good friend of mine said she wept when she found out she was having a son, for she knew that raising a Black man in this world would be no easy task. I agree. My heart grows weary as I think of his predisposition to unfairness and discrimination. I'll grasp his little hand in mine and tell him that he is so much more than a statistic, hoping and praying that someone doesn't take his life just because he "fits the profile."

That's why tears fill my eyes as I listen to the 911 calls and hear a child pleading for his life. Trayvon is so many of the men I have known and loved.

So, I'll keep talking about this. I will sign every petition. I will protest. I will pray for every one of my nephews, my "babies" and even those with whom I have no connection, because I want them to live. I want them to experience life--blazing trails, learning from their mistakes and conquering their fears along the way.

I never want to feel this way again.

Justice for Trayvon.

Be Encouraged,


Thursday, March 8, 2012

Crazy Love

I'm going to blame this overly emotional, sappy post on a few factors: the weather, my Slow Jams Slacker station and Girl Talk with some dear friends of mine. Therefore, this post will self-destruct in 24 hours.

It has you doing the things you said you would never do.

It makes even the most cynical among us sigh when the credits roll on yet another sappy Disney movie.

This is the reason...

The reason why true R&B music will never die.

The reason why Hallmark, Tiffanys and Godiva became household names.

The reason why you finally decide to let down your guard, relinquishing the key to your heart with such quickness one wonders if you ever even really possessed it.

It is the reason why you will always, without fail, put everything on the line. Even if this feeling has an expiration date, you will finally know why he smiles and tilts his head in a bashful manner; why she blushes the lightest shade of pink and has an extra bounce in her step.

It is the reason why you can't help but watch the elderly couples at the mall....why you ALWAYS cry at weddings....why you are able to bounce back from heartache.

It's love.

And there's enough for all of us.