Thursday, October 13, 2011

Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater

For the past week, I've been doing a lot of thinking about monogamous relationships. Those of you who know me know that I am Miss Optimistic. I will be the first person to tell you I believe in all of those "antiquated" notions about love; the soulmate, THE ONE, etc.

Except lately, all you seem to hear about is cheating. Whether it's emotional (letting down your guard with a co-worker or close friend) or physical (the drunken bachelor party/one night stand), the outcome is always the same. Someone is left with a broken heart, wondering where they went wrong and how to pick up the pieces.

In what I consider to be my first adult relationship, he cheated on me. There were several different factors at play: it was long-distance, we were growing apart, I was getting restless, etc. Still, that didn't change how devastated I felt when I walked into his apartment and saw signs of the other woman.

For those of you who are wondering, I didn't go Angela Bassett. I just got my stuff, walked back downstairs, got in my car and left.

Okay, I did peel out of the parking lot, but a girl has to give a little drama.

Has it changed me? Somewhat. I went through the grieving process--plenty of Toni Braxton, Fantasia and chocolate cheesecake. I DID NOT date while I was healing, because I feel that is a huge problem in the world right now: subjecting the next person to the last person's baggage.

I revised my rules, a little scrap of paper I keep in the front of my journal, chronicling the lessons I've learned about dating in the past ten years.

Lots of scribbles and bold print.

When I reentered the dating world, I will admit that I was still very cautious--kind of like the first time a kid is allowed to swim in the "big pool." Even though I logged many hours of introspection and prayer, I couldn't help but ask myself:

Am I good enough?
Is he going to cheat on me too?
Is all of this just an exercise in futility?

And then I smacked myself for being melodramatic.

In the seventh grade, I got food poisoning. I'm talking crying out to God, choosing which end goes on the toilet kind of food poisoning. It lasted for about three days. On the fourth day, I managed to keep down a bowl of chicken broth. By the end of the week, I was back to eating solids. Within two weeks, you never would have known I even had food poisoning.

My point (and I do have one): how silly would it be for me to stop eating just because I got sick one time?

That's the way I chose to deal with the aftermath of cheating. I wasn't going to dive into a buffet, but I could stomach an appetizer. One date--one evening at a restaurant, getting to know someone. Then, another one. And even though those dates didn't turn into a relationship, I realized I was ready to move on.

So, what's my official stance on cheating? I never want to go through it again. BUT, if I must, I know how to cope. And I will keep going through ups and downs of dating, until I meet the man who completely captures my heart.

He's out there.

If y'all see him, tell him to send me a BBM.

Be Encouraged,



  1. Awwww...Sis,I love it! Yes he's out there. When he comes,he will realize he has an amazingly beautiful,classy,and SMART woman in his presence. A REAL man can recognize a REAL woman. Even though I'm happily married,I've had my share of relationships. If we would just sit back and stop jumping head first into relationships we would better protect our hearts. Its like we throw it out the window to shatter to pieces and then get mad when it breaks. I love this!

  2. Seasons and Reason grilfriend! Boats and Floats!! Open your eyes and heart to be able to recieve what God has for you. Point #3 in Pops sermon was "following God always has some risk invloved". IJS! STOP THINKING AND JUST DO IT! U gotta do something diffrent if you want diffrent results! LUV YA BOO!