Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The Single Manifesto

I really don't like blogging about being single. In my humble opinion, it's discussed way too much...and with the current state of the world, there are more important topics which deserve my musings. However, I have experienced some things in recent weeks that I just need to get off of my chest.

If you can relate, snap your fingers one time.

It's a high(heeled) way to Heaven

When people ask me how tall I am, always respond "six feet even--without the heels." I have to add the qualifier because when I'm not wearing tennis shoes, I'm wearing heels. To me, they are just more comfortable. When I wear flats, something in my body mechanics causes me to turn into Steve Urkel, tripping all over myself. In heels, I'm Stephan Urkelle--suave, confident and self-assured.

If you ask any woman, she'll tell you the same thing: the right shoes just add an extra sway to your hips. They make your legs appear infinitely longer. They fix your posture. They just make you feel downright sexy.

I said that to say that it is a complete turn-off to date someone who thinks I'm going to stop wearing heels. Of course I'm "tall enough," but that's not why women wear these death-defying contraptions. Heels just make you feel good.

So, if you want to be with me, you have two options: grab the step-ladder and accept that my heels are a part of me...or keep searching for that woman who thinks flip-flops are appropriate dinner attire.

Perish the thought.

So Yesterday

Recently, I got a call from my ex. He informed me that he still loved me and that he was ready for us to start dating again.

Due to the fact that youngsters might be reading this, I'll refrain from using the words I really want to use.

For the life of me, I do not understand men with this Romeo and Juliet fantasy. Trust me, I was not waiting in the window for him (or anyone else) to come whisper sweet-nothings in the midnight hour. In the YEARS since we have parted ways, I've lived. I have laughed and loved; made new memories and truly discovered how exciting life is when I step outside of my comfort zone. I forgave him and yes, I still pray for him. However, I don't pray for him to come back to me--I pray the he will find peace and love in his own life.

I know what becomes of the brokenhearted. They heal. And move on.

Brother-friends (and sister-friends, because I suspect some of y'all are doing this too), deflate your ego balloon just a bit. If you are really meant to be with her or him, God will navigate your paths back together. Otherwise, leave it alone. You're just ripping scabs off of a healed heart...and that ain't love.

It's just TWO things

I realize I'm not going to win any fans by saying this, but I'm going to say it anyway. If you can only talk about sports and sex, we won't be dating. Period.

Look, I love sports. I'm a basketball fiend, and even though my bracket was toast in the first round, you better believe I'll be watching to see how the Final Four ends.

As for the other subject...well, that's for me to know.

The point is, there are a million other things to discuss. Can we talk about politics? Can we discuss the current state of music? Can we talk about why the Trayvon Martin case is stirring up feelings long since buried?

If dating is supposed to lead to a relationship (AND IT IS), I want to know that I can unwind with you; that you have an opinion on something other than Sportscenter.

Even my three year old nephew asks me about my day.

Ready for love

Am I? Sure.

But being ready for love and desperate for affection are two entirely different matters. I'm not afraid to be single. In fact, I enjoy the time I spend with ME--writing, painting toenails, dreaming and just being fabulous. I don't need a speech telling me what I need to do to get or keep a man...'cause I still believe it will happen when it's supposed to happen.

For your sanity, I hope you feel the same way.

Still Encouraged,



  1. hang in there! =)

  2. Kaylayou are awesome. I have read so many blogs by women of a certain age (i.e. 24-30ish) where they have this pity me, I'm single attitude...Clearly these women weren't thaught that your singleness is indeed a blessing...During your singleness God is yet molding you into the person he wants you to be...If you ask me I think alot of people enter relationships under the wrong motives thus opening their hearts to be broken over and over again. I thibk if people really tak advantage of what God is trying to teach you in your singlehood you will make less mistakes and live the life you are destined to live...don't get me started. Anyways keep up the good work lady *Erika :)

  3. Awww...thank you, Ms. Erika! I wholeheartedly agree. I have been there before, but when you know better, you do better!