Monday, April 11, 2011

(Male) Friends: How Many of Us Have Them?

I like going out/taking walks and stuff/I don't run with many girls/'cause they talk too much...
--"Caramel," City High

That's taking it a bit far, but I believe every woman needs a good male friend in her life.

Let me go ahead and clarify before we get any further: strictly PLATONIC male friends. Y'all know how I feel about "friends with benefits," so I'll save that for a future rant.

Growing up, I always wanted a brother. I was envious of my friends who had that big brother who teased them incessantly, but also had their backs like no other guy in our age group ever could. Since my mom made it abundantly clear that her shop was closed for business, I tucked that dream into the recesses of my mind.

A funny thing happened in Weatherford, America: I started to realize that guys could be friends too. I know I sounded really blonde saying that, but allow me to explain. I've always had guys who were friends, but they were on the edge of the circle...the ones I called when I missed the last few minutes of a good basketball game or needed help changing a tire.

Then, there were the ones who were my "pretend friends." Don't act like y'all don't know what I mean! A PF is the one you say is your friend, but like Biz Markie stated so eloquently, he's got what you need. You hang out, but in the back of your mind you are screaming: "For the love of macaroni and cheese, MAKE A MOVE!"

Hehe. No names, people.

At this point in my life, my male friends took on a whole new perception. They became my confidantes, waning philosophical over cold pizza and Mountain Dew. They became my encouragers, teaching me to be confident no matter what. They were my counselors, because let's face it--I knew NOTHING about dating in the 21st century. They were my protectors, 'cause if anybody messed with me....well, let's just say it only happened once.

In Weatherford, I found my brothers.

Over the years, I lost touch with some; graduation brought about a season of change and I accepted that. I still think of them and wish them well in life. Some have returned to my life and when I see all that they have accomplished, my heart is full. I'm so proud of them.

Then, there are my new brothers; the ones who know just how to make me laugh or channel my my D Dot, who pops up at random times in my life, but always when I need him the most. Or Tre, who is a constant source of ***BLANK STARES*** and encouragement.

To all of my brothers--past, present and future--thank you. I hope I've been there for you as much as you've been there for me.

To my sister-friends: don't get so caught up in the search for "THE ONE" that you overlook the beauty of a brother. Just because he does not see you as a potential mate does not mean he can't have a positive impact on your life.

Ahhh....I hate it when my own words convict me.

Be encouraged, y'all.

Your Sister,



  1. Ooooooohhhhhhh Boy!!! So SWOSU brought some of these key relationships for you? Interesting (as i laugh out loud!!!) No, all jokes aside, i know what you mean. I have key men who are in my life and i think that if i hadn't let my guard down a little to let them in as friends and realize that their friendship is more valuable than any other kind of relationship, I would have missed out on so many blessings!!! And yes, there were some where i was like, " JUST want to be friends???" Lol!!! I wasn't mature enough or ready to accept that i needed that more than complicating it by making it into a relationship (romantic).So...thanks again for this Kayla!!

  2. so true!! love it!! sn: i have 2 brothers a dad and a son i can give u nl

  3. NL, I'll consider the brothers and the dad. The son? NO THANK YOU! LOL!

  4. lol see u dont really want a true male friend! nl