Wednesday, December 29, 2010

25: A Letter To Someone I Envy

To The World At Large:

Envy. Such a strong term.

Immediately, I envision someone green with....well, you know. Envy personified is the type of person who will not rest; they become obsessed with seeing others get their comeuppance. That is not me.

On the other hand, there exists within me a desire to do something I have seen hundreds, maybe even thousands of people do in my lifetime....


I am envious of those who possess patience.

I am impatient. I am the cook who turns the stove on high so the water will hurry up and boil. I am the reader who will flip to the last ten pages of a novel if the plot is not moving fast enough. Every piece of technology I own--the Blackberry, laptop, etc.--was purchased for one singular reason: waiting gets on my nerves.

And such is my life. I believe the intimate promises spoken to my heart long before I could interpret them. I know "it shall come to pass;" truly, I do "expect the great." I realize God is not through with me yet....which would be all well and good if I lived in a world by myself.

Life happens for everyone. Though I am happy and I anticipate celebrating each momentous occasion my friends and family experience, there is a small voice that whispers to me just before I go to sleep:

"When is it going to happen for you?"

To me, that is a seed of envy. If allowed to grow, it will wind a gnarling vine around my heart--much like those ugly weeds in my flower bed.

How do I cope? Honestly, I am still learning and it is a daily process. The apostle Paul said in order for us to live like Christ, we must die to ourselves everyday. Every morning, I bid farewell to many things, including envy.

RIP, I guess.

To become consumed, obsessed and focused one event is to miss out on a life well worth living. There is beauty in each day:

--The glittery pink nail polish I'm currently wearing
--A bottle of grapefruit juice when my throat is sore
--The afterglow of a brutal workout
--My nephew, hugging my calves (that's all he can reach)
--Encouraging someone else
--Encouraging myself

I am turning my back to the stove. When the water starts boiling, I'm sure I'll know.


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